I know it’s the same title as a movie I watched once, although I don’t even remember who all was in it. I think Shirley McClain was one of the main characters. I chose the title because it’s really the way I feel about now. Kind of out there on the edge, the edge of what I’m not certain right now.
A couple of weeks ago I got a phone call from my brother asking me how things were going with my house and everything. Naturally my response at that time was that all seemed well, you know the normal confusion and hassles of getting moved and trying to get it done in somewhat of an orderly fashion. While all the time in the back of my mind I’m wondering at why he was calling. My brother rarely, if ever, calls me for anything. He doesn't even return the texts when I send them wishing him a happy birthday or happy fathers day. I've been told that's just him and for me not to take it personal, I just think it's pretty rude of him.
I need to regress here a little. The house he was asking about was our Mother’s house. She passed away in January of 2002 and left the house and property to me. I lived there with my husband for about four years after she passed. While it is an entirely different subject, therefore as far as this post is concerned I’ll say only that my marriage did not work out. Michael was a decent guy in reality; we started out as friends and basically ended that way as well because he was just not exactly husband material. Although we never took any legal action regarding our marriage, according to a lot of folks, he and I had probably the most amicable of separations.
Regardless, he is just another factor in the situation I find myself right now; a situation that began as a downhill slide triggered within a few months of Mom’s passing. So much of what I had buried in what I had thought were the farthest reaches of the back of my mind have now come flooding back to the forefront of my thoughts again.
My Mother was very clear with her request and what was to be both required and gained by accepting it. Although at the time when she and I originally talked about it, I had already made the decision to move back home regardless of what she was offering. A couple of years before I actually made the move, Mom had suffered a debilitating heart attack and found life alone was pretty difficult to say the least. Regardless, she made the offer that whoever decided to move in with her and take care of her would get the house (a mobile home actually) and the ground it sat on.
It wasn’t until sometime after Mom had passed away that I discovered the fact that she had left the house and property to me already, a couple of years before she even had her heart attack. According to Aunt Sue, the decision to leave this to me was based on the fact that she had helped all of my sisters obtain their first homes by giving them a substantial portion if not all of the required down payment. She told Aunt Sue that she had not been able to do that for me, so she decided that in order to be fair, she would leave me the mobile home she was living in. She had also told Aunt Sue that if it wasn't something I wanted, then I would at least have something I could sell that might help me get into something I actually wanted.
Mom and I had talked about the fact that I had not been around for a long time, I had been in the Army for 13 years, then married someone from Texas and decided to make my home down there. She talked about all the things she had already given my sisters over the years, stating that I had never been around to give things to like they were. It was during one of those ‘morbid’ conversations, as I would call them that she told me to go through the house and pick out some of the things I thought I would like to have.
Reluctantly I did, there wasn’t much really. There was this antique ceramic bean pot and a set of ceramic oil and vinegar canisters that I always liked. I told her also that I wanted that picture over the TV that had been Dad’s. It was nothing special really, a plastic canvas scene of a lake and some trees. It was a light up picture, with a florescent bulb behind the image. I wanted it because it was Dads. There were a few other little trinkets, Mom’s bird collection. Most of them were made out of that resin plastic, but there were a few made of ceramic or porcelain that I told her I wanted. I also wanted her teacup and saucer collection. Although there was very few pieces left of either collection, I wanted them. I kept her bell collection as well, all three pieces. I can remember when she had boxes of them, all three of those collections. It didn’t matter to me, I had what I wanted no matter how few the pieces were now.
Anyway, getting back to the phone call from my brother. He was actually calling because he found out that the property was listed in the Morning Journal Newspaper as a pending foreclosure for unpaid back taxes. Wow! Was that a shock to me!
While Michael and I agreed to separate in the spring of 2006, it was me that decided to move out. I had other places to go and I knew that he did not. So I had moved in with my Aunt Sue for a while, leaving him to go ahead and continue living in the trailer. As I said, even though our marriage did not work, we had remained friends and I wasn’t going to just throw him out on the street. There was a written agreement in place and I did my best to help him out. I even gave him one of my vehicles to get back and forth to work or whatever else he needed. I even paid the insurance on it.
I knew he didn’t make all that much money. So we agreed that I would keep the telephone and the electric on over there, they were in my name. I would pay those bills as well as the Equity Loan payment because it was always my intention to move back in over there. For his part, he was supposed to keep up on the taxes, a lesser amount of money per month; especially if it was spread out over a 12-month period rather than every six months like I was paying them. This had never been a permanent arrangement, just until he could get his affairs in order, get packed up and do whatever was necessary to get himself moved back down to Texas. Unfortunately it took a lot longer than I had originally thought it would and with devastating results all the way around.
That phone call came in the early evening hours, just after dinner on a Thursday and I took the next day, Friday off so I could deal with it. After contacting the Columbiana County Auditors Office I discovered that the last time they had received any tax payment was in 2007 when I went in there and paid it in person. I asked the clerk what if anything could be done to stop this process and she explained that if I paid a specified sum of money by the end of the month it would take the property out of foreclosure status.
So, now I’m jumping through hoops to come up with whatever I can. I know that some folks will probably think I’m a real bitch for some of my attitude right now and quite frankly I don’t even care anymore. That has always been my problem; I’ve always placed other people’s feelings above my own. I’ve always gone way out on a limb for people, trying to help in whatever way I could and all too often to my own detriment.
And as usual, when I need it there is very little if any help out there for me. It’s pretty ridiculous if you think about it. I do not qualify for any type of assistance because I do not have under aged children living in my home. At one point here this past summer I went to the Jobs and Family Services there in Lisbon and then the Welfare office to see if there were any benefits that I could qualify for that would help reduce the financial stress a little bit, even just for a little while. But because I actually own my home (me and the bank that is) and I own my car (the piece of rusty junk that it is) and I have no children, guess what… There are no programs out there for people like me in the situation I’m in.
I guess the part that makes me the most upset is when I was talking to a friend about my situation. She and her husband bring in more money than we do, granted their bills are higher as well. But because there are three children in the house there are so many other benefits that are automatically theirs. When she and I were talking and I was telling her about what I was going through, she said “Oh, I know what you mean” I was angry enough that I snapped out “No you don’t.” I wasn’t polite about it and I wasn’t trying to be either. It was the first time in memory that I actually spoke my mind on a personal matter without really caring how it sounded.
I’ve always said that if I were ever lucky enough to win some really major lottery, I probably wouldn’t have the money for very long. Because I would be out there helping people like me, single people who are struggling with making their house payments, who own their own vehicle so they can get to and from work and most importantly DO NOT HAVE KIDS living in the same house with them. I would be telling people, if you have kids, go elsewhere! But then again, I would probably be sued for discrimination.
Anyway, getting back to actual meat of this particular post. It has been a very long and hard eight years since Mom passed away, complicated by selfishness and greed. I have followed the advice of some of my older relatives for all these years, just dealing with it, keeping everything to myself and talking about it really to nobody. But that’s all bullshit and I’ve decided that I’m not going to ‘suffer in silence’ anymore.
I’ve been behind in the payments on Mom’s property for the greater majority of the time since it was transferred into my name. Chase Bank went ahead with the assumption loan about a year or so after Mom passed even though I did not qualify for it. They only did it because one it’s illegal to have a loan in a deceased persons name and two was the fact that they knew that the monthly payments had been coming from me, from my personal bank account, which was National City. They have been wonderful people, working with me when my funds were just not stretching very far.
I got behind within a few months following Mom’s passing because of all the bullshit that two of my sisters pulled. Personally, then nor now do I care what kind of relationship they either had or didn’t have with Mom. We are all grown adults, responsible for our own actions whether they be right, wrong or indifferent. It may seem impossible to some, but I’ll state this before I continue with this post; while I do not hate my sisters and I really don't, I simply have absolutely no real use for them either.
It’s crazy how things can come flooding back to you, no matter how deeply you believe you have buried them. The memory of them sitting there at Mom’s kitchen table going through all of her papers and finances and it wasn’t even 24 hours since she had passed away. It wasn’t as if they were trying to figure out what had to be done either. They were looking for the papers that would tell them the value of the house and property.
I was personally still in shock over having woke that morning to find my Mother deceased and all they could think about was the money. While my youngest sister said nothing with reference the house or property, Jackie made it very clear that it was her intention to use her position as Executor of the Will to sell everything, the house and property included and split the money. It was hard to deal with her callousness when I told her that if she sold the house and property I would be out in the street, she flat out told me that she didn’t care.
Can’t you just feel the love there! Wow, I was shocked on top of being already shocked. There were several other comments made over the span of that first week that let me know she really meant what she was saying. Sitting in Mom’s bedroom a couple of days later she stated to me in a very matter of fact tone that I was crazy if I thought she was going to allow me to live in this house while she made payments on a credit card that she shared with Mom.
That’s what it was all about. It’s a rather interesting subject and I have to say, I very much agree with Aunt Sue when she explained everything to me, something that was also substantiated by another individual who shall remain nameless out of respect for the fact that they don’t care if I say this to other people in person, they just don’t want their name out here on the internet.
I know it happens in all households, no matter how old you get Mom and Dad are always there to help you, at least it has always been that way for me. Kids borrow money all the time from their parents, sometimes they pay it back and sometimes they don't. Obviously after my Dad passed away my Mom’s income was greatly reduced, however her credit rating remained very good. She applied for and was approved for four individual credit cards that she earmarked for a specific purpose, us girls. When any of us asked to borrow money, she would get a cash advance from the specific credit card she had marked for that particular daughter. It made it easier for her to keep track of who borrowed what, she had a small ledger that she recorded the payments in.
In the beginning I didn’t know what happen with the one she got for Jackie, why it was different. But on that one she apparently applied for it as a joint card rather than just in her own name. This would make Jackie responsible for any balance remaining on the card at the time of Mom’s death, unlike the rest of us. Mom never really discussed any of this with me. Although she did (sort of) tell me about it. It was during only one conversation about the payment ledger. She brought it all out and told me what she had done, getting an individual credit card tentatively for each one of us.
Apparently the reason the one she had for Jackie was a joint account was because of the fact that it was being used to help Jackie pay for her schooling. Jackie had gone to nursing school and while there was a lot of assistance programs out there for a single mother, there were still things required for school that would have to be paid out of pocket. This is what Aunt Sue told me that Mom told her. Personally I don't see where there had been a need for Mom to make that card a joint one verses the same as the rest of them. But Mom can be pretty sutbborn about things.
The only reason she even brought this up to me, I believe was because there had been a few payments made by Margie that were not recorded in the ledger. These payments were made during the time she was in the hospital following her heart attack. Mom’s live in fiancé was responsible for entering this information in the book and apparently had not done so. Mom wanted to know if there were any missing payments on my page of that ledger. If the subject of missing payments had not come up, I do not think Mom would have even told me about the credit cards at all.
I can understand Jackie’s reactions, apparently that credit card had an extremely high balance and without a fight she was going to end up responsible for it. I don’t care what the situation would be; I would never ever throw a family member out on the street. Period, end of subject. Especially in the cold and callous way that she was going about it.
The events that took place during those first few weeks following Mom’s passing sent my life into a downward spiral that I have yet to completely emerge from on any level. Jackie just perched herself right there in Mom’s chair at the table and started going through all the paperwork they could find and the sun had not even gone down yet! There was no time for mourning the loss of a loved one, your Mother. She sat there 'large and in charge' and proceeded to completely ruined my life.
Even the money that Mom had added onto the Equity Loan on the property was cause for arguments that should never have happened. Everything was already set up by Mom, there really wasn’t anything for anyone to do except pay what was legally required to be paid and then divide up the remainder of the funds. Pretty simple, until you add greed.
Because it is not my intention to actually publish a post as a novel for television, I’m going to close this for now.
