The trigger is different for everyone. Yet there are various points in all of our lives where we have experienced this sort of epiphany; a sudden realization or an abrupt leap of understanding. It is an experience that is usually triggered by a seemingly ordinary but striking occurrence in our lives. While ‘epiphany’ itself is a relatively new term for this, we have all experienced that moment of ‘a light just came on’ or ‘out of the blue’ something will hit us.
One of my favorite descriptions of this event is getting out of the forest so you can see the trees. When we are overwhelmed or obsessed with something, our vision can become more and more narrow regarding the subject. I have discovered (if only recently) that simply walking away from something for a specified period of time is probably the best move a person can do in most situations. Naturally the more impact the situation has on our lives the harder it is to walk away, even for a short while. However, in the interest of self-preservation, this is exactly what needs to be done and especially when the situation is very ‘close to home’ so to speak.
Unfortunately, unlike the title of this particular post, I have not as of yet identified exactly what that starting point is for me. I cannot really put a finger on exactly when this ‘epiphany’ struck me that sent me down this particular path of my life’s journey. I can only identify what I believe are the factors that laid the ground work for my ability to actually step back and say to myself that I needed to do something.
Over this past summer, my Facebook Friends list has grown extensively as compared to the growth during the year between its creation and now. Among these friends can be found a friend that I had not seen or communicated with since High School, which in and of itself is not so much different than with most of the names and faces that appear on that list. However, I went to lunch with Darlene (Brown) Kissel, a young lady from my Graduating Class whom I did very much call a friend in that ‘way back then’ time period in my life.
I bring up that lunch because it was really a very nice time and I enjoyed myself a lot. Darlene is a really cool person and I hope we remain friends and share many more luncheons together in the years to come. As we sat there that day, just talking, doing some reminiscing (which often happens with old friends) I made the comment to her that I felt as if I had just woken up from a very long sleep and my mind had not yet grasped the new day so to speak. That is exactly how I felt about a great many things in my life at that point and still do in a many ways. Because over the last decade, primarily since my return to Ohio; there have been events that had the affects of what I can now only refer to as ‘mind numbing’ for me.
I do make the concession that in many ways this ‘numbness’ began a couple of years prior to my coming back ‘home.’ It goes back to various things I have already said in the past. The sort of person we become as adults are based on the things we experience throughout our lives, whether it is good or bad; self-inflicted or otherwise.
Unfortunately these ‘things’ we experience are not always an actual event. This point is especially true in the greater majority of what caused my personal downward spiral. In my case it was more often than not what and even how someone said something to me. It brings to mind one of the inspirational points that have become for me part of a guide that I strive to use when dealing with most situations. That being the quote… “People will not always remember what it was you said; but they will always remember how what you said made them feel.” And that is so true on so many levels.
We’ve all experienced those individuals that have been dubbed the ‘one uppers’, those people that no matter what you are talking about; they have done it and done it better than you. Those people that seemingly by nature have that condensational manner of approaching any and all situations. There are also those people who just seem to 'know everything', we've all met them, the 'know it alls.' I think we all know people like that and unfortunately they exist within our circle of friends and even in a lot of families; mine included on both counts. I believe the closer that person is to you within the family line, the more affect those words can have on you. It is that way at least for me.
The real lesson for me in this particular exercise is getting past the ‘coming to terms with’ a given situation, getting to the point where I am ‘past’ it. Just coming to terms with something means in reality that we have done nothing more than take that situation and tuck it away in that black box within our minds; we have not actually dealt with it.
Because in my opinion just ‘coming to terms’ with something can be compared to say a couple where one person brings home a puppy. The other person in this relationship does not want or maybe doesn’t even like the puppy. Yet they ‘come to terms’ with the fact that it is there and they just live with it.
When we simply allow ourselves to ‘come to terms’ with something, what we are really doing ignoring it. The major problem with that is the fact that when you least expect it, something happens to trigger it and those feelings that have been suppressed now come flooding out. These suppressed feelings and emotions sit back there in our minds, festering until the dam breaks. All too often they flood out in an uncontrolled torrent and the results can be devastating to everyone involved. Because once words are said, they can not ever be taken back.
Unfortunately the best way to deal with these situations is to confront them at the beginning; yet on the other hand it can also be the worst way. Why? Because and there are often too many other factors to consider and a direct confrontation at the moment does not take into consideration the long-term ramifications to those outside of the realm of the situation. Why? Because all too often a direct confrontation is too close to a reactionary or defensive approach to the situation.
A bit of a further evaluation on that would be the old game (by many names) of ‘Repeat’, which we’ve all played as grade school children. You can sit in a circle and start the conversation with one simple sentence whispered in the ear of the person next to you and by the time it gets back around to you it is nothing like what you said when you started the game. In a ‘real life’ or ‘social setting’ this can take on a darker meaning because I am well aware of the fact that there are people who allow their opinions of another person be governed by what they have ‘heard about’ that person, however wrong that may be.
There is no doubt in my mind that this is the main reason I have experienced certain levels of what I can only call ‘uncomfortable’ situations between others and myself. This has created a very big problem for me on more levels than I can even begin to list here. Primarily the point that concerns me most is on the familial level because family means so much to me. A situation that is further complicated by my own personal perception of family and who actually falls into that category.
Thus for me it is very important that I continue with this personal journey toward rediscovering the ‘me’ that was lost in all the turmoil that has ultimately upended my life. In the actual scheme of things, my first step is to strive to search backwards to find that point in my life where I could honestly say to myself that I was happy; then proceed with the process of (hopefully) identifying that particular ‘wrong turn’ that sent everything in the wrong direction.
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